Howl
by Onyx Sprita
Summary: Songfic, based on the song 'Howl' by Florence and the Machine. A night in the life of a reluctant werewolf. Both Remus/Lily and James/Lily, rated T to be safe.


**Howl**

**A/N: Lyrics are from the song Howl, by Florence + the Machine. I do not own anything Potter (or Lupin) related. Enjoy, and please drop a review!**

It was a cold October evening, and seventeen-year-old Remus Lupin walked slowly towards the Whomping Willow with a tense Madam Pomfrey, shivering in the cold evening air. He could tell she was scared of him, despite the fact that he hadn't transformed yet. He pretended not to notice, but it stung him more than he would care to admit. He hated people acting like that, even though he knew it wasn't their fault, that it was natural for them to afraid of him, a monster.

He bent his head as they continued walking, concentrating on the ground so he could forget about everything else. He saw the roots of the tree getting closer and closer and looked up. Its branches were waving aggressively in the air. Madam Pomfrey picked a twig off the ground and tentatively poked a knot at the base of the trunk with it, and the tree went still.

Just then, the moon suddenly glided from behind a wispy cloud, pale and glowing, a perfect round disc. Remus threw himself down into the tunnel before he could start to transform, and Madam Pomfrey ran back towards the castle, though Remus couldn't see her. Down in the dark tunnel his pupils dilated, he grew coarse charcoal-coloured fur and he dropped down on all fours as his hands and feet became paws, and his last thought before his mind was taken over by wolfish bloodlust was of Lily Evans.

_If you could only see the beast you've made of me  
>I held it in but now it seems you've set it running free<br>Screaming in the dark, I howl when we're apart  
>Drag my teeth across your chest to taste your beating heart<em>

He tore down the tunnel impossibly fast, paws barely touching the ground, snarling and growling. He needed to rip, tear, bite, kill. For some reason, she stayed in his mind. He wanted her blood. He howled and ran up the rest of the way into the dilapidated shack where he set about attacking a chair with even more vehemence than usual, tearing it apart, razor-sharp teeth and claws willing and able to destroy anyone or anything. He was thirsty, he was angry. He wanted blood, he wanted to taste it on his rough tongue, he wanted to slash soft flesh with his inch-long teeth and feed on it. He wasn't satisfied up here. He wouldn't be satisfied until he'd tasted _her_. __

_My fingers claw your skin, try to tear my way in  
>You are the moon that breaks the night for which I have to howl<br>My fingers claw your skin, try to tear my way in  
>You are the moon that breaks the night for which I have to howl, howl<br>Howl, howl  
><em> 

He turned suddenly, and sniffed the air. Three creatures came bounding through the door, a stag, a dog and a rat. He hurled himself at the dog and they sank their teeth into each other, snarling, barking, until the stag got between them and they were forced to draw apart. Then the stag went running outside and they followed it, racing down the hill into the village, occasionally attacking each other on the way down. Remus could taste the dog's blood in his mouth and it wasn't enough. He needed her blood and hers alone.

They ran through the deserted streets of Hogsmeade with the full moon high in the sky. Remus stopped in the square, threw back his head and howled. The dog joined in.

_Now there's no holding back, I'm making to attack  
>My blood is singing with your voice, I want to pour it out<br>The saints can't help me now, the ropes have been unbound  
>I hunt for you with bloody feet across the hallowed ground<br>_

He was howling for her, the lonely, wistful sound echoing for miles, with no response. _Lily. _He was howling for the sweet taste of her flesh and her blood, her voice, her scent.

_Like some child possessed, the beast howls in my veins  
>I want to find you, tear out all of your tenderness<br>And howl, howl  
>Howl, howl<em>

The dog, the rat and the stag broke open the door to Honeydukes and started to raid the shop, but Remus left them there and started to run for the castle, covering the distance with ease. As he neared Hogwarts her scent grew stronger, wafting from Gryffindor Tower like perfume, but he could not get in, could not get past the enchantments that surrounded and protected the castle walls. He howled, howled with thirst and misery and despair, driven mad with longing.__

_Be careful of the curse that falls on young lovers  
>Starts so soft and sweet and turns them to hunters<br>Hunters, hunters, hunters  
>Hunters, hunters, hunters<br>_

The next morning dawned clear and bright, and Remus Lupin, in human form again, trailed down to breakfast with a pale face and exhausted eyes.

'Remus! Hey! Remus!'

He recognized that voice.

He turned, wide-eyed, to see Lily Evans hurrying towards him. 'Morning,' she said, out of breath, and smiled that smile that made him dizzy.

'Um, morning,' he replied, stammering slightly.

'I was just wondering,' she blushed suddenly, 'I was just wondering if you'd come to Hogsmeade with me this weekend?'

Remus' heart stopped. _Yes! _screamed his heart. _No! _screamed his mind.

He wanted to - so badly. But it was unthinkable. The memory of the dangerous thirst he'd had for her blood just the night before, fuelled by the full moon, chilled him to the core, and besides, if he went out with Lily, James would never forgive him. He smiled wanly.

'I'm sorry, Lily,' he said softly. Her face fell.

'Why not?'

_The fabric of your flesh, pure as a wedding dress  
>Until I wrap myself inside your arms I cannot rest<br>The saints can't help me now, the ropes have been unbound  
>I hunt for you with bloody feet across the hallowed ground<em>

_And howl_

'Because of James,' he lied easily. 'It would just be completely unfair of me to go out with you when he's been trying so hard.'

'He has been trying, hasn't he?' Lily admitted, with a small smile. 'I don't think he's ever gone so long without randomly jinxing anyone. He's even being nice to Severus. But still... ' She sighed, and looked at him. 'I have to admit, I like you better.'__

_Be careful of the curse that falls on young lovers  
>Starts so soft and sweet and turns them to hunters<em>

_A man who's pure of heart and says his prayers by night  
>May still become a wolf when the autumn moon is bright<em>

Remus' heart skipped, but he tried to ignore it. 'I really like you too, Lily,' he told her, 'but James is my best friend. I couldn't do that to him.'

'It's OK,' said Lily. 'I understand.'

James Potter came running up. 'Hey, Moony!' he greeted Remus cheerfully, before turning to Lily. 'Oh, Evans, you look so fabulous it hurts.' He put a hand to his heart and mimed staggering backwards in pain while Lily rolled her eyes at his overdramatic performance.

'Fancy coming to Hogsmeade with me this weekend?' James enquired, running a hand through his hair.

Remus forced himself to nod encouragingly at Lily over James' shoulder.

'Well...' Lily hesitated. 'OK, then.'

James' face lit up. 'Really?'

'Yeah,' said Lily, grinning. 'I can't believe I'm saying this, but what the hell. One date.'

James beamed as he and Lily walked towards the Great Hall together, gabbling about what they were going to do and where he was going to take her, while Remus walked behind them, his heart broken and the wolf inside him howling in pain.

_If you could only see the beast you've made of me  
>I held it in but now it seems you've set it running free<br>The saints can't help me now, the ropes have been unbound  
>I hunt for you with bloody feet across the hallowed ground<br>_

**A/N: BLEGH. SO CRAP.**

**Sorry, it's my first HP fic, go easy on me will you? *puppy eyes***


End file.
